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S05E08: Not Every Drow Knows Each Other, You Know
The gang fails sensitivity training. Kanye finally finds a door he can't kick down. Doctor Snuggleface joins the team. The gang gains entrance to the temple via the secret kitchen entrance. They get the drop on a couple of guards, and learn that the guards are drow mercenaries hired by the woman in the green dress to guard priests performing some sort of ritual. Also Carlos gets a dog. Background: We received a new assignment! A group of archaeologists claimed they were kicked out by intruders who claimed official backing. We went to a village outside of Waterdeep where we found the archaeologists at a tavern as well as Jefferson van Pantasomething the sword. When we got to the dig, we overheard some patrols complaining about being told to drink Brawndo and were secretly cooking sausages. Averlyth also found some sunglasses usually worn by Drow, the group also found a mural depicting a harvesty festival that revealed a secret entrance to the temple. We cleared the entrance by sun-up and snuck into what seemed to be one room of the temple complex (seemingly an old, abandoned kitchen). Session: It appears the group is at the Temple of Bront. The group has realized that there may be another character already named Bront. That is acceptable for the monumental opportunity for us to establish our first disambiguation page. Nissa wipes off the door and puts her ear up to the rusted door. Kanye leans down and asks politely if he should kick the door down. He also asks what the door sounds like. Nissa hears nothing and maybe feels a little dumb. Kanye’s keen woodworking eyes notices that the door swings inward. Kanye: “It’s, uh, it’s a pull. Not a push.” Kanye braces himself on the wall to pull the door open - for a few seconds it barely seems to budge (Woodhouse starts coming up with excuses on his behalf). Then, it seems to budge a little, and then the handle rips off. Kanye fell to the ground and Nissa rolled off. Um peeks through the hole. He doesn’t see anything, as it’s pitch black, but he can see enough that he’s confident that something is blocking the other side of the door. Um is also able to hear something, but not entirely able to identify the sounds. Averlyth puts her ear up to the hole and hears muffled noises, some sort of unhappy animal noise. Kanye goes into the pocket workshop to find pry bars. The group brainstorms how to get out of the room. Um: “Anytime you could deploy the nitpicker, you could deploy me, you know.” Carlos casts ray of frost on the hinges, which are now coated in frost and appear prime for shattering. Kanye swings his hammer and strikes the hinge right on top of the pin, which shatters in an incredibly loud way. Carlos casts ray of frost on another hinge; Kanye goes to strike the pin, but misses. He misses again and hits the door loudly; he now hears at least 2 voices at the other side of the door, seeming curious. Carlos got a little cocky and misses his ray of frost. Then he much more carefully casts ray of frost again. Kanye fails to shatter the hinge, and then Um tries and gets it. Kanye slow claps. The voices at the other side now sound agitated. The Group goes Bugs Bunny while brainstorming Kanye wishes to go all koolaid man on the door. Kanye now wishes to remove the door, put it back in so it opens outwards, and then kick it down. Averlyth isn’t sure if the handle can go back on. Carlos suggests putting the handle where the hinges were. Um points out that the all-mighty dungeon master drew the door opening the wrong way on our map. Executing a plan Nissa casts minor illusion on the other side so no one can see us dealing with the door. Kanye removes the door and now the group can see an illusory door, then a heavy curtain or tapestry or something. Suddenly, two guards open the curtains, staring at the illusionary door. One of them is mumbling that he swore he heard about something over here. They don’t see the illusion, but one of them is getting closer and closer to the door... Um pulls out the thing he fires arrows with and trains it on them. Kanye, having just placed the enormously heavy door on the ground, dons his Woolley berserker claws and crouches directly in front of the guards with his claws ready and trained on their balls. Kanye is a little frustrated because he wanted to ride the door down. He is going to wait for one of the guards to turn and then get ready to grab the other one through the door. Nissa gets ready for combat. Carlos and Averlyth collaborate to create a fake fart noise (with a wind and the sound from cantrips) right behind the neck of the dismissive guard. He turns around, Kanye grabs the other one while covering his mouth, and then the original guard turns back around and his friend’s just gone. Kanye: “I’m a hugger” Um hog-ties the guy Kanye kidnapped and gets him gagged, now leaving Kanye’s hands free. Kanye reaches through the illusion to grab the remaining guard by the face, colliding with a section of the wall. As soon as he touches his face, the illusion falls off, and instead of the human we expected, a drow hits the wall. Kanye goes to grapple, but doesn’t succeed, and now Kanye is wrestling the drow. Averlyth: ”Not every drow knows each other, Kanye” Nissa goes to grab the drow’s butt and accidentally grabs Kanye’s package instead. Carlos: “We just had sensitivity training.” Carlos Rescues Doctor Snuggleface Carlos brushes aside the tapestry hanging over the doorway and enters what can only be an altar room. It contains a long stone plinth where sacrifices of fruit and flowers would be laid. The tapestries on the wall have faded, and there is a door to a hallway that turns on the far side. Tied to the altar is a doggo who looks very unhappy at being tied up in a manner that suggests he is intended to be sacrificed. Carlos cuts the ropes while telling the doggo what a good boy he is, giving him pets and scritches while thinking of names for him. Right as the rope is almost cut, the dog - now dubbed Doctor Snuggleface - makes a break for the door. Averlyth does not recognize the drow wrestling with Kanye; going up to the first hog-tied human, she realizes there’s also an illusion spell there, and he’s also a drow. The drow fails to wrestle out of Kanye’s grasp. Um decides that this was the room for strong people and leaves the room. Seeing as how our door was hidden behind a tapestry, Um goes to all the tapestries in the other room to verify that there was no other doors. Kanye, who believes the drow just tried to feel him up, caresses his cheek and then rips off the transition ray bans (Averlyth winces). The move was just enough for Kanye to properly grapple the drow. Um is outside the room, so Nissa happily goes and ties the drow in shibari knots patterns. Carlos creeps along the inner curve of the hallway to summon a big juicy steak smell illusion to U-turn the dog around. The dog follows the smell all the way back and Carlos gets the leash on him, but otherwise he didn’t see much in the new room. Averlyth asks Kanye to take the ray bans off the hog-tied drow (just so she’s not the one doing it, it’s bad in drow culture). Um goes down the hallway sneakily to get a better look at the main room. The main chamber is a larger natural stone chamber, at least 50 by 50 feet. The walls are covered by paintings, the pews are along the walls. There is a magical symbol on the ground and two other entrances in the room. There are 5 priests moving around the room preparing for a ritual, chanting and placing candles, etc. At a makeshift desk, the head priest is working over a scroll that presumably has the details of the ritual they are preparing. Um’s able to hear the head priest talking to someone with a woman’s voice. Um returns to the kitchen. Kanye has been looking at the drow, trying to look mean and come up with questions for them. (The group spends 10 minutes debating which of the two identical drow to interrogate) The Interrogation of the Guards Kanye starts interrogating the non-gagged one. The drow just scowls, so Kanye bangs his Woolley berserker claws together to trigger sparkle effect. Nissa starts yelling at the drow, reading him the riot act. Kanye: I’m going to intimidate him. Do I need to roll, or can I just describe it? DM: Please do. Kanye: I’m going to punch him. Kanye breaks his nose. The guard now talks, stating that there are 12 guards. There are 5 outside, 5 off duty in the entrance chamber, and then 2 in the chamber. There are 10 priests and the head priest, Reverend Elvis. Averlyth asks the drow about the Brawndo - he sneers and calls her a traitor, and then Kanye cocks his arm back to punch him again. He answers that “she” is just the brains behind the operation. Um: Is she tall? Carlos: What does her hair smell like? Kanye asks if the priests are also all drinking the Brawndo, and the answer is now yes. Kanye now gropes the drow that he thought had fondled his package - he is very confused. Kanye: “Now we’re even” Carlos: ”He’s like, ‘Now we’re definitely not even’” (The group does a planning montage) Averlyth Infiltrates the Next Room Averlyth disguises herself as one of the drow guards (with the illusion of a human male) and goes to the room, with Um trailing behind. When Averlyth goes into the main room, Um is able to nimbly climb his way back into the pews. The room appears to be full of religous relics, with 3 green robed priests apparently boxing them up. The first thing that Averlyth sees is a green robed human priest observing a large scroll detailing a ritual, with various documents scattered around. He’s talking to a woman standing near him wearing a green gown with ancient writing on it that at a glance looks familiar to her. It strikes like an old dialect that Averlyth studied back in the church. There’s nothing super distinctive about her appearance. The body language between her and the head priest confirms that she is the one in charge. Averlyth does not interrupt them. There are 5 junior looking priests moving around the room, doing the kind of preparatory work that needs to be done before a big, important ritual (overall cleansing the whole place). Averlyth goes up to one that looks kidnappable, saying the dog got loose. The junior priest goes “Ugh, again?” and follows Averlyth back to the kitchen without hesitation. Nissa: 20 minutes of planning, y’all.